Three Tries
by Phantom 1
Summary: Alexis contemplates ending her life after she is free from the Society of Light's control. Rated for attempted suicide.


Hey, everyone, this is my first attempt at Yu-Gi-Oh! GX story. Basically it's Alexis's thoughts after she is free from the influence of the Society of Light. Of course, I haven't seen the end of that particular season so obviously I'm taking some giant leaps of faith. I hope you enjoy it. By the way, most of this thing is in italics for a reason: it's all thoughts and those who've read my stories know that I write thoughts (and mental communications) in italics.

Three Tries

_It's like waking up from a bad dream. I can't believe that I did some of the things I did. I humiliated and ridiculed the people I cared about, including my own brother. If it wasn't for Jaden, I probably would still be worshipping Satorius._

_Jaden Yuki, we formally met during his first duel with Chazz. I thought he would make the year more interesting. I didn't know how right I was. I wanted to test his might and when his friend Syrus showed up literally in our back yard, I saw my chance. But he wasn't upset that we used Syrus to draw him here. In fact, not only was he not upset at me but when I was captured by that Shadow Duelist, he rescued me, and gave me the first clue to my missing brother for a long time. I knew that, even though he wouldn't say it out loud, that he considered me his friend. And I… the so-called Queen of Obelisk Blue, considered the same of him, a Slifer Red. Jaden continued helping me whether it was knowing or unknowing. He saved Jasmine from Wheeler, that dueling monkey. Then he went above and beyond the call of duty, he reunited me with Atticus. And at the same time put his life, his very soul on the line. In fact, by the time the year ended, I knew that he was one of my best friends._

_Then everything that I believed was thrown into chaos! Chazz defeated me and after that all I could think about was thinking of ways to humiliate, devastate, and/or recruit Jayden to the Society of Light. I despised him, probably more so than I ever despised anybody! I was blinded. The light that I bragged about for over half the year had blinded me to what was truly happening, that my friends were hurt, hurt by my actions, by my hands!_

_And yet despite all this, he still considers me his friend._

_A large oak tree by a cliff edge. Jayden's favorite resting spot. Of course he's not there now. He would be in the middle of a duel, or stuffing his face in the cafeteria or sleeping in his dorm. That cliff edge looks really dangerous. And the current very deep, it's normally like this after a rain storm. Yes, no doubt if someone were to fall off, they would fall to their death. Maybe… maybe that's what I should do, just fall off the cliff to my death._

_But I can't, not because I don't want to, but because my body won't move. What's wrong with me? I should throw myself off! I turned against the people who cared about me, and for what? A psychopath with delusions that by brainwashing others, he could create a better world, a world without free will! And I was willing to go along with it. I thought it was the whole world's destiny to submit to the light. How foolish I was!_

_I make another attempt to throw myself off the cliff, knowing that the current would take my body beyond the point of ever being rescued. But once again, my body refuses to move. Come on, Alexis, just throw yourself off, it's your duty to repent for what you did to your friends!_

_I collapse to my knees, tears streaming from my eyes. I haven't cried this much since Atticus was returned to me. Why, why can't I kill myself? I betrayed my friends, sold them out for power and a flashy white outfit. What's my body trying to tell me by refusing to let me do this? What does it know that I don't? Is my body trying to tell me that it wasn't my fault for what happened to me? Then who should I hate for all this, Satorius for starting this whole mess or Chazz for recruiting me?_

_No, that isn't the answer, it's myself, it's myself I should be hating for not making more of an attempt to break free? Why didn't I try to break free? Normally when someone is hypnotized, they make at least a small attempt to break free. But I made no attempt, not even when I first felt the Society's influence corrupting my mind. Could it be because deep down this was who I really was, a prideful and spiteful person with no qualms about who she hurts or who she has to fight?_

_I make a third attempt to end my life in repentance for my sins but once again, I am stopped by some unknown force. But why? If committing suicide isn't the answer, what is? Zane, if you were here, what would you say? You always knew what to say, even if what you had to say was just silence. What would you do in my situation? If you were controlled by an evil force, would you try to break free or would you trust that your friends would try to free you? I never felt so confused in my whole life._

"Alexis?"

_It's him, it's Jaden. It's like he sensed that I was here though he most likely came out here to take a nap before dinner. That was what he was like._

_That's Jaden for you, the world could be coming apart at the seams; and he would still have a sly smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes. I turn to him._

"Is everything all right?"

_He could see I've been crying, of course he could see I've been crying, it wasn't like I've been trying to hide it. I could see the understanding in his eyes._

_His eyes._

_His eyes had concern in them, he was concerned. Even after everything I've done to him, everything I said to him, he was concerned for me, HE was concerned for ME._

"Jaden…"

_I didn't care if anyone were to come upon us, I didn't care if I had a reputation of being a pillar of strength for the other female students of the Academy. I finally find myself running in a direction, towards him. Without any warning, I threw my arms around him and held him close._

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

_I just kept saying those two words. He probably didn't know why I was saying it, heck I don't think even I knew why I was saying it, all I did know is right now I needed to feel the arms of a friend around me. And eventually, whether out of caring or instinct, he placed his arms around me._

The End

Well, what did you guys think? Pretty dramatic, huh?


End file.
